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[Saturday
May 13th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Flaming Lips. |
] |
New eljay.
(this_way_out)
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[Friday
May 12th, 2006] |
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Wakka wakka wakka wakka.....
Game Over.
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[Thursday
May 11th, 2006] |
We're all choir boys at best...
Tonight was amazing. Live everyday as if you're young, because you do, you'll stay that way.
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| This isn't working out. |
[Wednesday
May 10th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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Static In The Attic. |
] |
Im sick to death of this fishbowl life. its all stale and dead, the weather's rotten, and the perpetual heat only serves to speed up the decaying processes which curse this city, this town, this state, with everything it has. i've got to get out for a while, i have to do something about all of this garbage, it's all starting to wear too thin, and the floors so weak, i think im all too capable of falling in. I want to break away but for some reasons i can't i can't stand these surrounding, i have to leave as soon as possible, yet i'm going to hate every second that im away, all the possibilities that i'm leaving behind, sure i'll be back, but what will be left to come back to/ none of this is constant, it's all going to change, and when im back will i remmember any of it? is any of this worth stressing over, is any of it going to remain? i can't say, you can't say, none of us could possibly fathom what could happen over the summer, what could happens or the rest of our lives. yesterday is history, today is a discovery, and tommorrow will always be a mystery. Sound confusing? get used to it love, you've always confused the hell out of me, and the only solution i can see is to sit indoors quietly until it all comes down. When it does, when i see a result, then i'll pull us from the wreckage, but until the concrete foundation is set, im nnot going anywhere with this. This is neither poetry nor eulogy, this is truth, in its rare state of clarity, im sick of tired cliche's and disparities, i am confused, but i don't need your charity, not even your sympathy, its not you its just me and when i find the time to unravel this mystery, i'll soon find the answer that's always eluded me.
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[Monday
May 8th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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Goodbye My Lover. |
] |
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
Rooftop discussions with Eric Perry. These make my nights.
Logic Will Break Your Heart.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
We're All Theory And No Action.We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action. We're All Theory And No Action.
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| Fuck. |
[Monday
May 8th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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Exploding Arteries |
] |
Well, this week's started off just lovely, now hasn't it?
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[Saturday
May 6th, 2006] |
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Excerpts from a story no one remmembers;
"Lets enjoy sunrises in the morning and punch-drunk nights. Lets walk down breezy streets, hands laced together, interlocking fingers, shared bus seats. How about days doing nothing at all? Just sitting at a coffee table for hours, talking about nothing at all, sleeping on couches with no blankets at all, staring blankly at pictures that hang on the wall. If two people sleep close enough, can they share the same dreams? Why not, if they can share a thought and know it for what it is, if they can split a memory into two seperately equal parts and keep it locked inside their hearts, why can't they live the same in their sleep? Can we play in the rain? In a summer shower or a dark thunderstorm, it doesn't matter, no amount of falling water could keep up from dancing. Lets leave notes in shirt pockets and jacket sleeves, tell each other stories of dragons and thieves, it doesn't have to be true, stories that no one really believes, but its the moment thats there, the seconds we share, with our hearts keeping time and our lungs taking the same air in one place and there, we may find something worth writing about, sing songs whene we're out and indefinately about...."
Well, its about that time. What time that is, though, no one really knows. Or cares to know, to be honest. Worked all day, that was a blast. Or not. My manager really gets on my nerves. Very few people do, you know. Thats quite a feat, i think i shoulfd congratulate him. I want to quit, and although it would be great to be able to have time on my hands again, i know that my parents will get mad for my not consulting them. But i don't feel the need to consult them anymore. I mean, i don't think i ever FELT the need, but i usually did. Bow, i do my best to avoid takling to them as much as possible, just because i need to do it alone for once, without their input. Im sick of their input, however vright it may be. Its like always going to the back of the book to get the answers, sure it works for a while, but once you don't have them, they're no use to you, and you're fucked. he really made me quite upset tonight though. I don't know why i let him bother me, people only upset you when you allow them to, you see, and the fact that i let him made me all the more angrier, which didn't help matters (as you could imagine). So i drank. Not a lot, just a coule of beers or so. And then i was fine. Well, not fine, because to be honest, i don't get drunk or anything, so it was sorta just this weird "blah," uncaring mood that i was uin for the rest of the bloody night. But thats okay. Blase'. Thats a good word for it. It was very blase''. But enough of that nonsense.
School is almost over. I have what, like 3 or 4 days? Lovely. I can't wait. All the time in the world will be mine. A lot ofthings will be solved then, perhaps. Although i hate saying that. Its always something that gets better at a later date, isn't that ironic? And then your last day arrives and you die with the simple thought that life will be better after death. I will definately laugh when i die and its just nothing. A "i told you so" would be in order, im sure, but no one would give a damn enough to do it.
New Zealand. SO much possibility, yet so much uncertainty. I need to have a hot cup of tea and just think about it, talk it over with myself. I mean, i want to go so badly, but there's things (and people) that i will miss terribly. And rightfully so. I mean, a lot could happen in three months. A lot won't happen in three months. I won't be seeing a lot of people after graduation, but i will be meeting a lot of new people. Its almost like a shift in existence, a change of consciousness of sorts. I feel like someone's going to pluck me out of the pages of this book and place me into another one, a whole different tale. Interesting, to be sure, but will i like it? Will i have a choice? Fact is, even if i absolutely hated New Zealand, i would still be gone for three months. I mean, thats a long time to hate something. I could have the option of returning, but i refuse to live with that on my conscience.
Next song, please.
Augustana. Boston.
Make it England and you've got a deal.
Goodnight.
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| Are You Hoping For A Miracle |
[Sunday
April 30th, 2006] |
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I was going to update, but then i changed my mind. Everything's cool, im just... curious?
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| Bloc Party |
[Wednesday
April 26th, 2006] |
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Bloc Party was more than i'd even hoped it would have been. Perfection. The night of my life thus far happened last night. A taste of the future, and it couldn't have been sweeter. Im not going to try and describe it, because it's indescribable, and to even make an attempt would destroy what it is in my mind. I didnt want to leave, but there wasn't anything else we could do, and besides, anything longer and i would have suffered intense heart failure. That was where i wanted to be, and everything was perfect. Rides worked out fine, we were there with the right people in the right place, and at the right time. That was how it should have been, and that's how it will always be. It was our night, love, it was our night. I expected nothing less than to ride throughout the rest of the week on the crest of the sonic wave. My ears are still ringing, but i wouldn't care even if they bled. Because i know that these ears heard every word, my lips sang every word, my eyes saw every movement that was ever made, and my body felt the motions. I danced like i've never danced, sand until my throat was raw and my voice was gone, and still i kept on. I honestly could not have asked for one single thing more. The rest of the week was to be nothing but a container, a medium through which i would travel through until its time to leave. I was happy, it made me so fucking happy.
And then i came home. To reality. Yeah.
Goodnight.
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[Thursday
April 20th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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Say Hi To Your Mom |
] |
Its been a long day, its a quarter to eleven,
we coming down harder than a statue of Lenin...
How are you all this evening? I trust the days have treated you well? Good to hear, of course, unless you aren't well. If the latter is the case, then i wish you the best. Im broed, rather tired, yet i'm not in the mood for sleeping. Hopefully Eric will be dropping by to leave the drumset, so i'll have something to fawn over for the next 72 hours or so (barring work, of course). You know, to tide me over til bloc party. Oh man. Bloc party will be the event of the century, we've already been over how much this will mean to me. Nothing can go wrong, nothing will go wrong, everything must stay as it should be for this. This is even better than my birthday, in fact, i think i'll just dedicate my birthday to this concert.
England seems very far away right now (mainly because it is) and my dreams of moving there seem to be moving further and further away. I don't know why, really, it's not like i've ever been there, but it's just that england represents the future for me, it's the only thing i've really "decided" on ,and now its another year or two from the present. But there is good news (there's always good news). In june i'll be going to New Zealand for a stint (charity work and such), so hopefully it'll be fun. New Zealand. Wow. Its one of those places i never thought of visiting, it's australia, yet not as common, and im sure there's just as many different types of people there as there are here, but to tell you the truth, i can't wait; i really need a change. I'll miss everyone terribly and such, you know that love, i'll especially miss you, but i don't know what else to do about that. I'll take as many pictures and write poems and maybe keep a journal of what i see and do (i most likely won't have/want a computer with me). I just want to feel new again, i suppose, i haven't felt too excited over anything in a long while (barring bloc party and turning 18). And granted love, this isn't what i consider my greatest desire, but it's running a pretty good 2nd place.
Life seems to be moving along, smoothly at times, terribly slow at others, but i think everything will work out just fine. And true, im an idealistic optimist, but i have a cynical view on things too, so i think the view can be pretty accurate.The cynicism matched with the optimism gives a middle view in which things on both sides of the fence can become clear. Something bad happens, i find it ironic and irritating, but perpetual optimism keeps me from staying that way for very long.
I just got a new job, its at Taisho with eitan. The guy was pretty psyched about having another guy work, so i hope it's not a bad job. He seems nice. My first day is tommorrow. Wish me well. or not, whichever you prefer.
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| Insanity |
[Monday
April 17th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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Saves The Day |
] |
Okay, so i just had the weirdest (slightly the creepiest) dream ever. I dreamed i was sleeping in my bed (where else) and woke up to this odd noise from the corner of my room. I lay there quietly, trying to discern what the actual noise was, and then just as i was fallin gback asleep, i heard the noise again, this grinding sound of someone eating something hard and crumbly.
(Incidentally, this one really old Saves The Day song was playing in the background).
Anyways, i wasn't about to stand for someone eating something in my room, keeping me up or anything when i'm trying to rest. So i hop out of bed, pull on my Darth Vader mask and i pick up a book (The Bourne Legacy) to protect myself, and walked towards the closet, still a bit miffed and sleepy-eyed. My closet door was a little open, as if someone left it slightly ajar to provide a convenient hiding place for their illicit (and intensely annnoying) activities. At this point, i'm ready to bust some skulls, and for some reason the saying "Bitches Get Stitches," sounded clear in my head. I pulled the closet door aside with the book raised and said "WTF MATE???" The Freakin' Grim Reaper looked up at me, kinda startled, as he was reading some of my books from my closet bookshelf, and said, rather embarrassed "OH! ummm... sorry about that... ummmmmmmmm......eehhhhhhh, yeaaaahhhhhhhhh..........uuhh." And he sorta looked at me, with that sheepish grin, like i'd caught his hand in the cookie jar or something. And i didn't say anything, but i distinctly remmember thinking "check out THIS muthaf*cka.." But i ended up just saying, "yeahhhh...... you gotta go." So he apologizes again, kinda turns around in a circle to get out, but he's standing like IN my closet, so there's no escape unless it's past me. So then he looks at me and just half-grins, because he looks like a retard, takes a look at his golden wristwatch, and then goes "ALAHIUHIIUHAIUAHIUAFCTREYETRFETRDETREDTRDALALALLALALALAAAAAAAAAAAA POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!" and cuts me with his scythe, and everything goes black.
Yeah. Im going back to bed.
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[Saturday
April 15th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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Saves The Day |
] |
Oh man oh an oh man oh man........
Bring It. All of it. Right Now.
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| Im Tired. |
[Thursday
April 13th, 2006] |
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To be honest in a world where the connotation of truth is a lie, to be strong in a world where strength is considered weakness, to be perfect in an imperfect world. I don't ever want to accept something that i don't deserve, i want to be honored only when i am honorable. For myself, independence is strength. Strength to be true to myself, as well as to everyone else, i want my freedom not as an illusion granted solely for the sake of comfort, but i want to be free because i have broken my own chains of bondage. I want to exist for the sake of existing, my reality will not be conjured up to appease my pride or appetite, my reality will be the ONLY reality. In short; truth. To be true in this world, you must not deny yourself your own goals and expectations, you need only to adhere to them with the knowledge that there are rules to follow, that there are boundaries to overcome. To see with the eyes of one who truly lives for himself, that is what i want. I want to be a hero, not merely for the sake of acknowledgement; but because i know that at any time, at any moment, someone could use my help, and i will lend it to them to the best of my ability. I want trust, not because i ask for it, but because i have been deemed trustworthy, and my loyalty exists with the utmost validity. I want to be a hero in a world where heroes don't exist, and i want to deserve the title.
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| When You're Caught In Suspension |
[Friday
April 7th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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Freak The Fuck Out. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cursive- Domestica |
] |
Hey, here's an idea;
Let's chat. Lets talk about how shitty our present situations are while somehow remaining to keep them as cryptic and as vague as humanly possible. If the situations really not that bad, don't worry, you could throw in a few dramatic details (you know, just for sympathy). Add some modern day angsty teen lingo, a few cliche' catch phrases, perhaps a song lyric or two, and you'll have something original to say.
Naturally.
Well, sort of original, with global population statistics factoring in at about:
6 billion people (approx.)
You'll probrably have something that sounds (suspiciously enough) exactly like what everybody else is thinking. Woe is you, woe is me, its all a great game, isn't it? A sad song to compliment our equally sad lives. Its like a musical, complete with choreography, urbanized stage props, and shitty soundtracks, plug it in and sing along, because its going to be an amazing miserable ride. Enjoy.
"And there isn't a pension for second best or for hardly moving...
Crashing through the parlor doors, what was your first reaction?
Screaming, drunk, disorderly... i'll tell you mine."
Just Relax. Breathe A Little, Okay?
No one's dead, nothing's on fire. At least, nothing's on fire just yet. Take a look around you. What do you see? Do you understand what this is? Do you realize what this could be? No, of course you don't, because you're too busy worrying about what ytou're going to do five, ten, twenty minutes from now, you live from moment to moment, always looking ahead for a future that won't ever exist unless you learn to breathe. Come on. You can do it.
Breathe In. Breathe Out.
Did you think it would be easy? Were you expecting things to just happen with the click of a button? Nothing in this life comes that easy (or that free, except maybe death), nothing ever comes that quick. Stop worrying about the things that will never mater, and start living like we're meant to live. and how's that? How are we meant to live? Not sitting on our asses, dreaming about things we think we'll never happen, bound by our preconceptions and other people's decisions. Fucking make something happen for yourself now, before it too late for you to catch the opportunity. you've been here before, you know what to do, but somehow, somewhere, you just got lost in the translation.
Goodnight.
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| Face: Face |
[Thursday
April 6th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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Misery Signals |
] |
If you're going to fight a war, make sure its something you believe in. Because win or lose, in the end thats the only way it's going to be worth it.
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| Symphony Of Sound |
[Thursday
April 6th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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Hide Nothing |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Taking Back Sunday |
] |
The Doctor Is In.
where are you now?
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[Monday
April 3rd, 2006] |
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Stellar.
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| This Is My Hero. |
[Saturday
April 1st, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
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How Water Music |
] |
"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."
Brilliant film. I'm pretty sure V is the hero that i've always wanted to be. Watching the character in the movie was almost as good as being V himself.
A Brilliant End To A Brilliant Night.
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| First In Flight |
[Wednesday
March 29th, 2006] |
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Because all we have are rivers in time.
Super Happy Mood. No reason, just Life.
Peace.
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canthinkofanid's journal